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19.
“It’s hard to put this into words in the way I want to actually explain it, but I really regret trying to optimize every aspect of my first’s daily life. Like in every way I wanted to go with the ‘best’ option for things and in my very limited, inexperienced and easily swayed mindset that translated into doing things in a rigid miserable way…”
“… I exclusively breastfed because I bought into the narrative that it was the fundamental best choice (even though I was miserable doing so for a handful of reasons), I did BLW even though I was constantly nervous about her choking, I parroted all the gentle scripts to her when she became a toddler even though I was like, this isn’t working, and I don’t sound like myself.
I responded to every single cry or complaint even though that meant sometimes stopping my husband mid-sentence just to help her (not as a crying infant, but rather as an angry 18-month-old who can’t zip her jacket, for example). I just tried so hard to be perfect; it was so deeply unfun and stressful. I can’t truly say I regret it, though, because I ended up really realizing when my other kids were born how much the noise in your head is other people’s voices and ‘information’ that is nothing more than pretty little beige fluff. By being so uptight and vigilant, I finally learned to let go and just try to enjoy my kids rather than just checking off a box that says ‘you are good.'”
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