11.
“My caterer had an absolute meltdown and might fire me because something we agreed to do is apparently the most insulting thing she’s ever experienced. We are two weeks and one day away from the wedding and are DIY-ing some of it ourselves, so obviously, prep has taken over our lives. When doing most of the planning and booking last year, my fiancé had a lot on his plate at work, so I did most of the original planning as my job was quiet for several months (I work on contract). I was adamant that one thing I would not do myself was the food. I found a vendor in a town half an hour from the venue whose Facebook page had the most beautiful harvest tables, and that was exactly what we wanted, so I booked her and paid the deposit (in April last year, actually, so I figured this was sorted). On her invoice, she noted she’d discuss details like canapés closer to the time.”
“Our venue is several hours away from where we live, so this was all via text and email. We finally were in the area and met her last week to discuss it all. She sounded surprised we’d want to meet, but maybe she hadn’t realized it was already coming up. I know she is constantly busy (another reason I booked her is because I saw how many events she was tagged in/reviewed well for and figured this was a good sign).
Her first question when we brought up the canapés was, ‘What canapés do you want?’ I could see my fiancé start chewing his tongue out of the corner of my eye. I’d been talking him down from planning the food himself when we would have other things to do on the day. But my heart had also sunk. Surely she should tell us what she usually does? She told us to think about it and let her know, and we said we would. She was a bit pushy about her sourdough being okay for our celiac guest, but we talked her into playing it safe with rye (I now know that rye is not safe either).
At the end of it, we recapped the entire discussion and said twice that we would send a list of suggestions. She said she would wait for it. So my fiancé made one. We are both detail-oriented people who have catered other events ourselves (massive birthdays and family Christmases of 40+ people, even one family friend’s wedding) with all sorts of menus, including plated dining as well as harvest tables, so we know what we like. I have also worked in hospitality and restaurants most of my life, and I loved getting detailed lists from my clients — it really helped.
While ours is a long list, and some of the items are a bit bougie (hey, it’s our wedding!), when I forwarded it on, I mentioned these were suggestions, and the end result did not have to be identical. She could let me know what’s doable, and we could go from there.
Cue an absolute harpy. It was all voice notes basically saying, ‘Never in my life has a couple told me how to do my job.’ And apparently, we are taking advantage of her and trying to make her work at a loss. All of this in a vicious Karen-esque tone of voice. She ended by telling me she should perhaps just send me my deposit back. She also spent a good part of it slandering one of the cheesemongers in the area in a most unprofessional way.
Honestly, this was so out of left field. I was absolutely stunned. I apologized for upsetting her (because I had not intended anything of the sort) but reminded her that we agreed on a list when we saw her and tried to underline that the list was just suggestions. I felt that had been clear, but my message with the document was long, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and decided to say she could have missed that.
Her following voice note told me to make up my mind and added that since we now had 50 adults and four kids, instead of 70 adults and five kids, she would have to raise the price per head anyway. What? If that’s industry practice, it’s certainly new since I was last paid for an event. It’s not like she was not being paid for the traveling either.
If she’d calmly brought up that that list would cost more per head, I’d have understood (because, again, some of our tastes can be more pricey!). We could have made concessions or worked out a new budget. But really, to be screeched at makes me want to take her up on her refund offer. I have severe anxiety, and this brought up an entire panic attack when mostly I’ve had fun planning everything. I know I will not enjoy my wedding day if I’m worried I might have to see her at any point during the afternoon.”
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